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Vending Machine – 144 – Open Air Bath

Chapter 144: Open Air Bath


Author: Hirukuma

Translated by Zzonkedd

Edited by Gumihou


From that first day onwards, we have been aiming for the Elderwood without ever returning to the village. Meals were provided by Kikoyu and myself, and everyone seemed satisfied with our contribution. However, I should say that Kikoyu mainly has Mister Field produce fruits and vegetables that could be eaten raw.

Also, since we have a lot of women on the expedition, the issue of toilets came up and I was glad to provide portable disaster relief toilets that were greatly appreciated by the ladies.

What goes into the body is important, but how one gets rid of what comes out of the body is equally significant.

Well, to be fair, the fact that we have the peace of mind of worry over these little things was thanks to the fairly smooth journey. Thanks to our temporary combine party’s combat strength, monsters were more of an irritation rather than a threat. [1] Trees were quickly and efficiently pulled out and the pockmarked road smoothed back, which meant combatants didn’t even have to be too careful about where they put their foot down.

However, though our team may appear to be something of an overkill, it was still unclear whether we could defeat the Elderwood. The creature was as tall as a skyscraper and probably could not be taken down by normal means.

According to the Director of Darkness, the Elderwood had been defeated once before. “It happened several decades ago… while it was true that the Elderwood was defeated, it was at too high a cost. A massive forest fire roared through the floor, incinerating everything in its path, turning this into a desolate level devoid of monsters and people for close to ten years.”

Though I could not read his facial expression, I got the feeling that he was very irritated.

Is that why the use of fire is strictly forbidden on this level?

Given how this place was razed to the point that it needed nearly 10 years to recover, it made sense for people who use fire to be severely punished. After knowing the massive fire precedent, none of us even thought of using fire in the forest.

In fact, those who hunt on this floor would carry preserved food since fire was not allowed even for cooking on this floor. Because of this, hot food provided by vending machines was greatly appreciated.

Anyway, we continued on this way for the next four days, cutting down trees and defeating various monsters, when a serious problem arose.

Sweat and body odour.

It was normal for people to sweat from physical labour. I had been providing clean towels wet with water, but there is a limit to how much these could do. Some even took the time to wash their hair with mineral water, but at this point, nearly everyone would want to feel fully refreshed.

Thus, the party decided to build a bath.

Taking a bath in a place where monsters roam is unthinkable for any normal people, but it was a trivial issue for our party populated by individuals with great strength and skills.

The women are particularly enthusiastic. Ramis pulls out a particularly impressive-looking tree to build the wooden tub, while Hyurumi directs Granny Yumite on where to cut. Seeing Granny turning the large tree down to planks with her masterful sword handling was quite the sight.

Everyone got together to assemble the wooden bathtub, which was large enough to fit about 10 people at once. The tub was built off to the side of the created path, on a platform made with leftover timber. Plank walls were built to cordon off the bath as well as a small washing area.

The one in charge of filling the tub would be me. By transforming into <Hot Spring Vending Machine>, hot water could be safely produced without the use of fire.

“Right, it’s done. Oi, men! If you try to peek, Granny will slice you into three pieces. Remember that!”

Hyurumi was grandly standing in front of the newly constructed bath with her index finger pointing at the male side of the party, but they only nodded calmly.

[1] I used the word ‘male’ because the ones left were Director Bear, Director of Darkness, the three male Big Eaters, Hevoy and Grandpa. None of whom were likely to peek. Grandpa was too old to be interested and while Hevoy was a pervert, he was a different class of perve.

“However, aren’t you worried about unscrupulous people who would peep? Shall I stand guard? I swear in the name of God that I will never peep. Indeed, I have no interest in the naked female body.”

Though this may sound like an admirable declaration from a clergyman, his announcement only invited suspicion from everyone. He would have sounded more credible if he had not been looking at the women’s feet while making his little speech.

“It’s fine, Botan and Kuroyata will guard us,” said Kikuyo.

Kuroyata descended from the sky to land on the wall. His three eyes glared at the men. Botan had placed himself in front of the entrance to the changing area, transforming himself into the perfect defence against peeping toms.

“Right, let’s go, Hakkon.”

Ramis suddenly lifted me and carried me to the other side of the wall.

Wait, I’m going with them?

“We’re going to need towels and other washing items. Also, a drink after the bath is important.”

Ah, yes. I had encountered vending machines aimed towards women at communal bathhouses before. Things like shampoo and conditioner sold like hotcakes, and so were cold milk and sports drinks. 

It is normal for vending machines to exist in a bathhouse. Since I’m now a vending machine, it’s not strange for me to be here.

The women went to the other side of a wooden scaffold to change. The first to enter the bath were Ramis, Hyurumi, Shui, Granny, Kikoyu, and Suko.

Any regular man would be excited by the thought of this lineup.

The generously endowed Ramis.

The athletic and well-balanced Shui.

The skinny Hyurumi also has her own fan base.

As for Kikoyu, she would be popular with people of a certain type of fetish.

Although Granny Yumite was too mature to be within the bracket of ‘mature woman’, I think there fans of this type also exist.

And finally, Suko, the ‘beast’ representative in this special lineup.

It was quite the selection.

“It’s been a long time since my last bath, I’m looking forward to it… hold on a minute,” Hyurumi, who was about to take off the thin piece of cloth she had underneath her black robes stopped her hands and narrowed her eyes at me for some inexplicable reason.

“I got caught up for a bit and was about to take everything off, but, why is Hakkon here?”

“Hm? You want towels and that liquid foamy thing, right?”

Ramis was already down to her underwear and tilted her head curiously.

That’s right. There’s nothing strange about my presence.

I can also provide cold drinks as part of your afterbath treat. I really recommend the milk coffee. Really, there’s nothing unnatural about me being here.

“No, that’s not it. If you want anything, you can just buy them in advance. Ramis, have you forgotten that Hakkon has the soul of a human man inside him?”

Tch, Hyurumi is too sharp for her own good.

It’s not like I cared much about female nudity. I have absolutely no intention of secretly recording everything to enjoy later. Absolutely not.

“Oh, guess I forgot… but if Hakkon sees me, I don’t mind,” Ramis said as she thrust out her hips, showing off her curvaceous body.

Suko was already mostly naked. She took off her jacket and, after wetting her furry body with water, was now scrubbing herself with the special shampoo she had bought from me. She looked really cute covered in dense bubbles.

The old lady was also completely unphased. She bought whatever she needed from me completely naked and sat down next to Suko.

“What are you two doing? We’re in a forest surrounded by enemies, you know? We don’t have time for nonsense,” Shui yelled. She was perfectly confident in her nakedness, but for some reason, Ramis and Hyurumi had rushed in front of me to block my view.

“Y-yeah, I’m taking it off now.”

“Yeah, yeah,”

Shui splashed herself with one bucket of water and was about to step into the bath when she was pulled back by the Granny and was forced to soap up her body first. I only vaguely caught sight here and there, because the other two were in my way.

“Right, yeah, I’m taking it off now,” said Ramis.

“I guess, if it’s Hakkon, I don’t mind…” said Hyurumi with a red face.

Well, you say that but why are you glancing at me while reaching for your underwear? Also, what’s with that high-pitched voice?

As a vending machine, I don’t get excited about these things anyway, but this situation felt dangerous somehow. I can’t help but feel like the male instinct inside of me is about to wake up after all this time.

Hyurumi was in her underwear. Ramis was already down to her last layer…

“Hm? Hey, what’s that red thing over there?”

Just before the final stronghold was taken down, Shui’s voice echoed across the space. Everyone instinctively looked towards the direction she was pointing.

Blast it! I was so close… wait, what red thing?

I turned my eye in the direction Shui was pointing and… there really was a red light in the horizon.

Wait, is that… is the forest on fire?!

What the heck?! Did someone set the forest on fire? No, we were the only hunters who entered the forest. Even if someone were to follow after, there was no way they could get ahead of us.

Even if there were hunters who entered the forest during this abnormal situation, would they be safe against the rampaging forest monsters? Just what is going on?

Just who set the forest on fire?!


[Gumihou: The ‘forest fire’ was a total flag. It happened because you guys never stop talking about it!!]


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