You are currently viewing Vending Machine – 138 – Logging
Wooden Logs Stacked In The Woods.

Vending Machine – 138 – Logging

Chapter 138: Logging


Author: Hirukuma

Translated by Zzonkedd

Edited by Gumihou


Since enemies kept coming over the wall of logs, it was soon decided that we would take the plunge and go on the offensive.

First, a scouting mission was sent out while the rest of the people took a wait-and-see position.

An elite team was assembled to gather and analyse information. Its members consisted of Ramis, myself, Shui, Hevoy and Hyurumi. So far so good, but, for some reason, the Director of Darkness wanted to come along too.

All members of the elite team tried to gently dissuade him, but…

“As the Director, I cannot stay and relax in the back. Don’t worry, I used to be a hunter and was in the same party as the Clearflow Lake Director. As a Floor Director, I am in excellent shape. So, no worries!”

It was difficult to counter such enthusiasm. In the end, we decided that it was futile to argue against him.

Did he really fight alongside Director Bear though? To be qualified to be in the same party as Director Bear, Director of Darkness must be quite strong.

I must say, he did not have any weapons or armour on him. The only thing he had on was that shiny golden coat, which could not exactly be considered a warrior’s attire.

“Hm? If you know each other, you must know Grandpa, Grandma and the principal too, right?” said Ramis.

“Of course, na. Are they all doing well? I heard that the couple Shimerai-han and Yumite-han are all living on Clearflow Lake Floor.”

“They are both getting along well and are in good health. The principal has also moved up to Clearflow Lake with the children.”

Not only that, people from the Labyrinth Floor have also moved up Clearflow Lake. With Kikoyu and the others there, I guess that’s the place with the highest concentration of fighting force now?”

“I’m relieved. Humans weaken quickly once they age. Well, if it’s that couple, even if they do age, they would still be pretty strong.”

Personally, I’d like to say that they’re ‘not ageing, but raging (mad)’. However, that might give the Director ideas in his head about new gags, so let’s not even go there.

I really don’t want to set him off on another tangent with a lame remark.

“This time, [1] our aim is to clear the surrounding trees from the gate to make a path. If at any time we decide that it’s too dangerous, we’ll retreat immediately. Our main purpose is to gauge the enemy’s strength.”

Hyurumi was enthusiastically explaining strategy to everyone – while seated on top of my head.

She had made some kind of device that secured herself to my person, but with Ramis on one side and she on the other, my vision was badly obstructed. In the end, she moved to the top of my head.

She was currently sitting cross-legged on top of me. If I were to shift my vision up, I would get a very nice view of her flattened bottom.

Ahem, I don’t think there’s any deep meaning to her sitting on top, but I think this is all fine. [1] It’s kind of like seeing that the flattened bits of cats sitting on skylights.

“Hey, sorry for sitting on top of you, Hakkon.”

“N-o, thank you very much.”

“What’s with the ‘thank you very much’?”

Oops, I think a bit of my true feelings slipped out. Actually, I don’t have any urges as a vending machine, but, yeah, the view from here is not bad.

“Sure, whatever… open the gates, Ramis.”

“Right! Here we go~”

The gate, which normally needs two strong men to move was easily pushed open by Ramis with one hand.


The gatekeepers stared at this display of strength with their eyes wide open in shock. [1] Well, that kind of reaction is pretty much the standard when it came to Ramis.

After exiting the gate, Ramis quickly closed it behind us and we all faced forward. There were a lot of monsters awaiting us within this dense forest.

“What a warm welcome. Now, let’s clean this place up,” said Hevoy.

“[2] A clean up instead of a clean off, eh?” Director of Darkness chimed in. However, his remark was too lame for anyone to even pay attention.

Instead, we were all looking at a diverse range of plant monsters. It was as though all the domesticated fruit and veg had been given some sort of monstrous adrenaline shot and… transformed into monsters. [2] Gah! These dad joke gags must be infectious!

Watermelon monsters with their round bodies, short limbs and a single mouth at the centre of their bodies were shooting seeds like bullets from a machine gun.

I deflected the flying seeds with my <Barrier> and misaimed seeds ricocheted everywhere. The ones that hit the ground dug deeply into the earth. Woah, can’t underestimate the power of these little pellets.

For now, I sent plastic bottles filled with pachinko balls to crush these watermelon monsters. I was surprised to find that they were not much harder than regular watermelons and the floor was soon covered with their split open insides.

Ugh, their red juices looked a lot like real blood. It was awful.

Little root veg monsters were pinned to the ground by Shui’s arrows, awaiting their deaths.

Moving trees that swung their branches at us were smashed by Ramis’ fist at the trunk. Technically, these were our most durable opponents, but since they were pretty slow, they just became punching bags for Ramis. What an excellent combination.

Ramis must have noticed this too because she was on an incredible roll, and showing off her skills more than usual.

Yes, yes, very amazing, but, have you forgotten that you’re carrying me on your back? More importantly, have you forgotten who was sitting on top of me?

“U-ugh, I- I can’t anymore… sorry… Hakkon…”

Hyurumi’s face was sheet white. She was covering her mouth with a hand. Is she… feeling sick? Wait! Wait! If she throws up, it would get all over me!

“I’m in great form today!”

“Ra-mis, Ra-mis”

Ramis finally noticed me calling her name. She stopped suddenly and turned her head as far back as her neck would allow.

“What’s wrong, Hakkon?”


I floated a sports drink from the dispenser towards the top of my head with my <Telekinetic> powers. Luckily, Ramis noticed what I was trying to tell her.

“Hyurumi, you looked really pale. Are you alright?”

“Do… I… look… sorry, but please let me down.”

[1] Hyurumi was practically gasping for air and I quickly transformed into <Kid-size Vending Machine> so that she could scramble down more easily. Since she looked really bad, I floated the sports drink over and set it down beside her.

“Um, since you’re not feeling well, it’s better to just stay here. Hakkon, please take care of Hyurumi.”

“Lea-ve to me”

In the end, Hyurumi and I sat in the middle of the battlefield and were relegated to ‘spectator’ status. Normally, people who were stuck in the middle of enemy territory would probably be killed in no time. However, with my <Barrier> activated, we could just sit in place and watch as the battle happened around us.

“Hey, if you’ve room up there, can I pitch a ride?” Shui asked as she danced past us with her bows and arrows.


[1] With a running jump, she quickly scrambled up the top of me. Well, I guess it’s best for archers to snipe from a high vantage point. It’s not like she could climb up trees which could turn into an enemy at any time.

For the moment, I became an excellent turret for her since there was no need for her to duck and hide thanks to my <Barrier>.

Enemies who could not understand this were immediately pinned down by Shui, repelled by the <Barrier> or were crushed by my modified plastic bottles.

“Thanks, Hakkon.”


I gave the usual response as I surveyed the rest of the battlefield.

Now that I was no longer a burden to Ramis, her speed and agility increased by several fold. Before, she was a barely controlled force and barrelled recklessly through a battlefield. However, now that I was no longer on her back, she would occasionally move at a speed that was difficult to track with the naked eye.

That’s right, with me on her back, her defensive power increases and she could basically crush people like a rolling ball. However, once she sets me down, her speed increases and she could deal more precise damages. We should consider making use of different tactics to suit different situation.

Even though it was a little lonely to not be on her back anymore.

Hevoy was fighting steadily, his spiked iron ball crushing the various flower and plant-type monsters, instantly ending them with one blow. He was super agile too, easily dodging enemies and attacking them from blind spots. His vision and hearing must have been enhanced through his sensory control.

The Director of Darkness really stood out with his golden cloak. It looked like he was just standing in place, but whenever enemies approached, shadows on the floor would extend and pierce into their bodies.

Upon closer inspection, it looked like the black shadow extended from the Director’s feet. The shadow changes its form freely to attack the enemy. Could it be dark magic or something similar? Or was he stretching and shrinking his own body mass?

Whichever it was, it was a technique that kept all enemies at bay. Looks like he was not only swift with his words.

“A day of busting sad veggie lads into salads,” crowed Director of Darkness.

I’m going to pretend I did not hear that lame joke.

Random gags aside, it was a pretty powerful and handy ability. It was unclear what its limitations were, but it looked like it could easily extend up to 10 meters and be sharp enough to split plant monsters apart.

The reason why there were so few victims on this Floor aside from those who were essentially poisoned by the pollen was probably due to the Director’s efforts.

“Ramis, we’ve reduced the number of enemies, so it’s time to take out the trees!”

“Yes, sir!”

Ramis, who had mostly pulverized the moving trees, left to run over to one of the trees, crouched, wrapped her arms around the trunk, sunk her fingers into the tree and heaved. The tree was immediately uprooted. Then, she threw the entire tree towards the village.

The tree flew in an arc over the fence post and into the village.

Now, you might gasp at this reckless seeming act, but it was all part of the plan. The area just inside the gate had been cleared of people and things for the trees to pile up. [3] The trees she had uprooted were not monsters and would not make trouble for the inhabitants.

The trees in front of the gate were cleared at astonishing speed, leaving no place for the monsters to hide. However, this also meant that the monsters were free to charge en masse at us, to the point that Ramis had to stop uprooting trees and help us fight the monsters again.

After three hours of fighting, we have logged about 30 trees and defeated countless monsters. Right now, the area in front of the village was clear of trees, but this was just a small clearing compared to the rest of the forest.

This tactic could not work no matter how much time we give it. It was probably time to think up another plan.


[Gumihou: Well, this was certainly new.]


[1] Adjusted the sentence so that it makes more sense

[2] Readjust punny jokes to fit into the English language

[3] Add detail to make things more sensible has a new Membership System!!

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