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Strange World of Editing

Dear readers,


If you ever wonder how we edit, please have a look at the wonderful sample below.

This is an extract from:

Chapter 004 – The Bet


[1] When Wu Yuxin heard ‘little sister’, she immediately flared up, “Who are you calling little sister?!” “Little sister?!” she practically screeched, Wu Xuan thought he could see an outraged cat’s tail fluffed up in indignation.

[Gumi: Just change the blah blah A did this to action]


Wu Xuan leaned back, calm as the eye of a storm. Others might be afraid of Wu Yuxin, but not him. She was the one who played a prank on him first. Moreover, considering the proud way she acted, she would not dare to cause to big a commotion and attract the attention of the elders.

Deleted 2 ‘!’

[Gumi: Connect action to reason, instead of disconnected, fact 1, fact 2 fact 3]


“Little sister. Surely I can call you Little Sister Yuxin since I’m older than you?”

He wasn’t wrong, his cultivation level might have been lower than Wu Yuxin, but this body was older than Wu Yuxin, right?


Of course, in this world where martial might is the most important thing, the martial experts would naturally be at the top. With strong cultivation, no matter how old they were, they would be called seniors. [1] Wu Xuan had intended to follow along with the local convention until this little brat pranked him. If he allowed her to step all over him like this, would he still be able to garner respect? No matter what, Wu Xuan was an adult in this body and he could only see Wu Yuxin as a bratty high school girl


[2] ‘But Wu Xuan did not think this way, being an outsider to this way of thought.’ – arrogant much? At least give a reason to break convention.


[1] Such mischievousness really should be punished! But his cultivation is not enough to put up a fight, even if he wanted to, he wasn’t strong enough to punish her! Although these ugly words were only heard by Wu Yuxin and not spread in public, it still caused her to feel uncomfortably humiliated. Hearing Wu Xuan call herself ‘little sister’ once more, and also calling very intimately at that, Wu Yuxin froze up, her pretty face reddening slightly. [Bug: It’s been almost 3 paragraphs since the last dialogue sentence, monologue narrator much?] [Gumi: Do it by deleting unnecessary stuff] She quickly recovered and actually retorted: “What are you acting so intimate for, we are not familiar with each other at all! Who are you calling your little sister? What are you acting so intimate for!?”


This little retort was enough for Wu Xuan roughly determine Wu Yuxin’s personality. This so-called Wu Clan Talent was a bit mischievous and not as unfeeling as her cool public face. If she was really a cold person, she would not have played such a, ahem, sexy prank on him. In fact, she would have punished him by now for his smart talking.

[Bug: Again with monologue, how do I partition this so that it doesn’t break pacing?]


[1] Thinking about it, it was also true that a girl who has just turned seventeen years old is in a relatively innocent period. Adding on to that, Wu Yuxin had been completely coddled during her upbringing, thus, having a little unruliness seemed about right. However, that coldness and indifference she showed at the beginning did not match at all, making others feel rebuffed like a barrier a thousand miles thick instead. [Gumi: Just leave whatever’s not a paraphrase of the same thing and see if you could join it up later]


The corner of Wu Xuan’s mouth lifted in a slight smile, he could snatch the initiative back! Whirling around, he said: “Don’t you know it’s rude to trap comrades in illusions? [3] Especially sexy ones?”

[3] [Gumi: If she wants to freeze, give her a reason to freeze by saying something shocking]

The rapid change of topic made Wu Yuxin freeze [3] again, who then replied: “Hmph, so what! You’re fine aren’t you, what does it matter?”


Rumours about Wu Xuan had aroused a touch of curiosity within Wu Yuxin. Now that they were alone in the carriage, it made her want to test Wu Xuan’s level, but who knew that her technique would get broken!


Not only that, a person with lower cultivation than her managed to break it. How awful! This was the first serious blow she had ever suffered. If she failed against a stronger cultivator, fine, but this rude person?!!


If it failed against a high level cultivator, she would consider it normal. But to use it on Wu Xuan, yet failing, really shook her up. One could only comment that Wu Xuan’s willpower was amazing! [1] [Bug: Another long monologue. Tension from dialogue has been lost by this point.] [Gumi: The purpose of the long monologue is to say how strong Wu Xuan’s willpower is, who cares. Delete.]


Wu Xuan feel slightly surprised by the easy confession, “Yo, what kind of speech is that? Don’t I get an apology at least?” [Bug: Sudden teenager tone, wasn’t he an adult before transmigration?] [Gumi: It’s fine, some people just get older, they don’t grow up]


“Apologize?” Wu Yuxin [1] seemed to have heard the funniest joke and coldly snorted, “Never!”

[Gumi: Have you ever heard a teenager speak long speeches?]

Wu Xuan [1] did not care about her rudeness, smiled and said leisurely, “[4] Since you don’t want to apologise, that’s fine. Anyway, you did not admit to being my little sister earlier. How about this, let’s make a bet instead.” [Bug: Odd tangent. ‘Anyway’? Leads right to bet? No other reasoning? ] [Gumi: Since the previous dialogue ended with an apology, lead with the apology]

“Bet? What kind of bet?” Wu Yuxin’s willowy eyebrows frowned, not knowing what trick Wu Xuan wanted to play.


“Little sister Yu Xin, are you very confident in your illusion arts?” asked Wu Xuan laughed.


“Of course I am!” Wu Yuxin clenched her pink little fist and said with confidence, “In the Ten Thousand Flower Palace, my level is considered very strong! Even the Palace Master has praised me!”

[Gumi: Reduce adjectives in dialogue tags] [1] Being complimented, Wu Yuxin’s teenage mentality completely showed itself, excitedly clenching her pink fists, her face full of joy.[Bug:clench fist was just used, repetition too soon?] [Gumi: You’re right]

However, when she saw Wu Xuan said nothing, but somehow this made her angry and she ‘s smug smile, she knew that she had dropped her mask and quickly collected herself and sneered back, coldly saying, “Hmph, what, got a problem?”


It turned out to be the Ten Thousand Flower Palace. So, Wu Yuxin went to something called the Ten Thousand Flower Palace.


“You seemed very confident…” Wu Xuan drawled. [3] [Gumi: provoke her, but slowly. Not in large chunks of dialogue]

“Of course!” [3]


“How about this, you may try your strongest illusion art on me. If I lost, I shall call you big sister…” [3]


“Of course I’ll win!” [3]


“Naturally, but if I happened to win. Hmm, you may call me big brother.” [3]

“You!!” [3]

“And give me an apology,” [3] Wu Xuan smiled and proposed a bet, since she likes to play so much, he might as well play along with her since the carriage ride was so boring anyway, so he might as well pass the time with this high school girl. [Gumi: On the premise that he’s humouring her by lowering himself to her level]


“Want me to call you big brother? Humph!” Wu Yuxin sneered. “Your cultivation is too poor for that [1].” What, call you big brother after you win? Apologize too?” Wu Yuxin snorted coldly and said, “No way! You are not my big brother! And your cultivation is so poor!”

[Gumi: It will be perfectly in character for an arrogant person like herself to have selective hearing and not even register the apology]


Wu Xuan [1] automatically filtered the latter words and laughed: “Weren’t you very confident in your illusion arts? Are you afraid of losing? [1] Think you have no chance of winning?” [Gumi: Less is more when it comes to provoking]


The words ‘afraid of losing’ immediately aroused [1] Wu Yuxin‘s anger, and she gritted her teeth, saying “Who’s afraid of losing? Since you dare to ask for it, it’s none of my business if you lose face [1] in front of everyone later!”

[Gumi: ‘gritting her teeth’ is already showing anger. So the earlier bit is not necessary. Also, I’m sure she isn’t supposed to play around with her illusion]

“Don’t worry, if that happens it’s also my own fault. Now come on.” Wu Xuan smirked. [1] smiled calmly.

[Gumi: ‘smiled calmly’ is just author being a wish fulfilling jerk tugging at the pigtails of a girl beyond his class]

“Then here I come!” Wu Yuxin went on the attack started immediately, quickly mobilizing her strongest illusion art to confuse Wu Xuan. An image like a peach blossom bloomed in her beautiful eyes, and the whole carriage was instantly shrouded in a layer of strange aura.


This is only using illusion arts, not using any cultivation aura for suppression. If Wu Yuxin used her own cultivation to deal with Wu Xuan, even a dozen Wu Xuan were not enough to fight back.


“Peach Blossom, open!”


Wu Yuxin hummed[Bug: sound effect of “hmph” should be translated as grunt, but a lady grunting just seems so ugh…] deeply and the air seemed to quake. Wu Xuan had only just felt an illusion rushing in front of his eyes before it instantly occupied his head, even spreading to his body.


Only this time the beauties or whatever did not appear. Wu Xuan closed his eyes before slowly opening them again and said, “Was that it? It didn’t seem to work.”


“Plum Blossom, open!”


Wu Yuxin gritted her teeth and then hummed another low sentence, and now the image of a peach blossom in her eyes seemed to have bloomed into a plum blossom. A more powerful illusion art formlessly and ruthlessly invaded Wu Xuan’s brain.


Wu Xuan’s eyes didn’t even close this time. Actually, the illusion had already taken effect and appeared around him, but he just ignored it and faintly said: “Was that it? Seems like it was useless ah……”


While he was still speaking, the illusion self-destructed.


Wu Yuxin’s face was flushed, the flowers in her eyes scattered, replaced by shame and shock! She had casted her most prided illusion art, the Ten Thousand Flowers Art. This skill was already practiced to the second stage, which was her limit. Even Core Formation cultivators could be easily confused if their willpower is a little lacking!


But as it happened, Wu Xuan did not even feel half a thing, and it also quickly failed! She had never seen such a strange thing in her life! Frankly speaking, she has lost this bet, even her trump card was thrown out to no avail. If she used her martial might to fight, Wu Xuan would definitely lose, but only a fool would compete with Wu Yuxin.[1]


“You, you, are not human!” After holding it in for a long time, Wu Yuxin came out with these words.


“En, out of moves already?” Wu Xuan spread his hands and laughed, “Then are you ready to honor your bet? I wonder, just what should you be calling me now?”


Wu Yuxin’s pretty face got redder and redder. One who was so much stronger than Wu Xuan’s cultivation level, actually had to call the other person ‘big brother’! How shameful was this?


But unless she wanted to lose face, bets have to be honored as was promised earlier. Wu Yuxin stifled her red face, and choked out with difficulty: “Big, brother…..”


“Hmm? What did you say? That was too soft, alright What about my apology?” Wu Xuan’s heart was already blooming with happiness, but Wu Yuxin’s voice truly was too soft. [Gumi: Reminding her of the apology would annoy her even more]




In her shame and anger, Wu Yuxin actually shouted and threw out a Qi wave with her hand at the same time, scaring Wu Xuan into quickly dodging. [Bug: description doesn’t have enough oomph.]


With a ‘BANG’ sound, it actually tore through the carriage box! The horses were frightened, and shouts of alarm arose among the crowd outside.[Bug: Description doesn’t have enough oomph. Add more drama into this scene?] [Gumi: Ya, action needs work, but the occasion doesn’t seem worth the trouble]



The elders stopped the carriage. When they peered into the carriage Wu Xuan and the others were riding, they saw Wu Xuan wiping off cold sweat, with a hole in the wooden panel behind him, while Wu Yuxin was silent with her head down.


“What’s going on?” The Sixth Elder frowned, it seemed that the atmosphere in the carriage box was not too good.


“Cough, cough, nothing, there was a cockroach in the carriage just now, and it just scared little sister Yu Xin into attacking.” Wu Xuan coughed lightly a few times and blindly made up an excuse.


“A cockroach?”

“Yes, yes, just now I thought I saw a cockroach and I couldn’t help but attack ……” Wu Yuxin followed the excuse.


“Oh, just a cockroach… Since everything is okay, we’ll continue the journey.” [Bug: Really. Elders just accepted that? No admonishment on excessive force? No comment on her cowardice?] [Gumi: This is still fine, they must suspect something, but just accept the face value explanation]


The crowd saw that there was no problem, so they continued on their way. It sure was unexpected for a cultivator to be afraid of cockroaches! But then again, girls being scared of bugs was also a normal thing, right? [Bug: Would be a good place to insert some crowd gossip, but none was written here by the author.] [Gumi: It’s still fine, but you can add if you want]


Wu Xuan was busy wiping away a faceful of cold sweat, if he had been hit by this move, he would really have suffered, good thing he dodged it in time. Looks like, to play with high level cultivators, not being prepared just won’t do!


“Listen up! This matter absolutely must not be known to others, understand?” Wu Yuxin raised her head to glare at Wu Xuan. She attacked unconsciously in shame and indignation just now, luckily nothing serious happened.


“Understood, understood. Everyone will go their own way, anyway, after the cultivation session, we won’t see each other anymore, everything will return goes back to normal!” Wu Xuan said.[Bug: Flustered ‘everything is ok’ speech doesn’t really work in English]


Wu Yuxin then breathed a sigh of relief and suddenly asked, “How is your willpower this strong? Even people with higher cultivation are not necessarily stronger than you!”

Wu Xuan smiled faintly, looked out the window, and said with a slightly melancholy gaze: “I trained it……”


Wu Yuxin opened her mouth to continue asking when she saw Wu Xuan’s expression, and found it hard to continue. [Bug: Unsure what emotion Wu Yuxin is supposed to have. Dumbfounded? Exasperation at the flimsiness of the excuse? Not sure how to question further? Lacking context to decide.] [Gumi: It’s always like this, he’s the author wish fulfilment character. Cool and very cool, cooler than coolest. ExTreMElY CaLM. Don’t think too hard]

Pill Bug TL Notes:


[1] Deleted stuff, deleted so much stuff

[2] Original sentence was 除非用无力来硬拼 but I think author made a typo, it should be 武力 not 无力. How do you even overpower someone with powerlessness??

[3] Rearranged dialogue so that it makes more sense

Original MTL listed 气芒 as ‘Aura Mango’. What’s this? Is it delicious?

Gumihou: Can we eat it?


Cultivation stages:

  1. Body Refining Stage
  2. Spirit Refining Stage
  3. Core Formation Stage
  4. Void Transformation Stage
  5. Void Spirit Stage
  6. Emperor Stage

Each stage has 10 levels, going from level 1 to level 10. Levels 1-3 are early stage, 4-6 are middle stage, 7-9 are late stage, level 10 is peak stage.

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