Chapter 33: A Blockhead
Author: Black Lantern (黑色花灯)
Translated by Gumihou
With his mouth stuffed full of noodles, Ye Fei nodded.
Ma Cuihua said, “Last night, this auntie had a dream. In that dream, my white knight came to me riding on a flying horse, galloping over rainbow-coloured clouds…”
Pu!
Noodles exploded from Ye Fei’s mouth. Then he started to laugh. He laughed so hard that he could not straighten his waist.
Ma Cuihua glared at him, “What’s the meaning of this? Is this auntie’s story that funny to you?”
Ye Fei flapped his hand agitatedly, “No, no, no, I was just shocked, and I was just… choking. Cough, cough, Elder Sis Ma, your story is so… so mysterious, ah.”
Ma Cuihua humph, “What does a brat like you know? Every beautiful thing in this world started out mysteriously. Do you want to listen or not?”
Ye Fei nodded, “Listen, I’m listening, I’m definitely listening. Please continue.”
Ma Cuihua said, “As I was saying, my knight in shining armour rode over a rainbow cloud and told me this: If I can rescue 100 beggars, he will appear before me. This auntie has been wavering about for over 25 years as a virgin, you know. For the sake of my future happiness, I said yes. To be honest, I thought about doing some random charity work like giving alms to the beggars nearby. However, thanks to my high living standards and good housing condition, there aren’t many beggars around. So I thought I made it up by feeding you.”
Ye Fei, “… …”
Sister Ma.
Sis.
You’re really my blood sister, ah!
Oh, to think that you’ve been feeding me not out of your good heart, but was just treating me like a beggar, ah?
“Well? What does your common mind think of my plan?” Ye Fei’s face twisted in consternation as Ma Cuihua loomed over him, hands on her hips.
Ye Fei forced a smile, “Big Sister Ma, I have no animosity against you, ah. Surely you don’t have to mock me so? I, Ye Fei, might be a penniless good-for-nothing, but I’m still not quite a beggar, ah.”
He stared at the noodles in his half-empty bowl, somehow he had lost all appetite.
Ma Cuihua cut in, “If you’re not a beggar, hand over the rent money.”
Ye Fei, “… …”
F*ck, how did it come to this?
If this was in the past, he would have to compromise or negotiate.
Now, however… fufufu~~ This brother is a rich man, at the very least, I am a ten-thousandaire, alright? I can definitely pay the rent.
“It’s just rent money, right? Just be honest about it, there’s no need to treat me like a squatter who couldn’t pay,” Ye Fei muttered.
Ma Cuihua tsked, “You speak as though you have money. I’ve already checked the CCTV at your door. You haven’t left this room for two days, not for work or anything. Moreover, you’re a jobless stinky brat, where do you plan to pull the rent money out from?”
Ye Cui trembled, “Sister Ma, are you telling me you’ve been watching my room? Are you really that afraid that I will run off without paying the rent? You’ve gone overboard, I tell you, way overboard,”
Ma Cui Fa smirked proudly, “Well? Scared? If you’re scared then hand over the rent money.”
Ye Fei stared at Ma Cuihua’s face for a long time, a weird thought suddenly leapt into his head — Ma Cuihua, is really good looking, ah.
That’s right, though this Ma Cuihua is famous for her temper, and tended to roar at anyone who looked at her wrong and was a rather rough character. Her feature was quite refined. Though one could not mistake her for one of those famous actresses, she still has her own charms.
“Stinky brat, what are you looking at? Hand over the rent money.” Ma Cui Fa snapped, Ye Fei’s long stare was starting to give her goosebumps.
Ye Fei blinked and was finally back to his right mind: Oh god, oh god, he almost fell for the landlady’s honey trap.
“Didn’t you say on the 15th? Today is only the 13th. I still have 2 more days, surely you can trust me this much?”
Ma Cuihua laughed, “Trust? You little brat still dare to talk to me about trust? Who was it that told me he would pay last months’ rent on the 1st? Even a pig would have thinned down 200 pounds in that time, where’s my rent money?”
Ye Fei, “… …”
“It’s not like I’m trying to make trouble for you. Just think, if you keep hounding me every day aren’t you troubling me unnecessarily? How do you think I feel?”
“Then, you’d better fix this problem immediately by paying me. Do you think by hiding in this room money will fall into your lap?”
“Ahem, ahem,”
Ye Fei thought: You actually guessed right. Money actually fell into my lap while I was hiding out in my room.
“Well? Nothing to say? Young people should be more energetic, what are you doing hiding in the room like this?” Ma Cuihua sneered down at him.
Ye Fei flapped his hands, “Sister Ma, since you’re my dear sister, let’s not quarrel over the rent, alright? I’ll go pick it up for you now. Also, once I hand over the money, can you please, please promise not to come knocking on my door every day. Just imagine, if people know the rent lady keeps knocking on the doors of her tenants, they might not want to stay here.”
“Tsk, tsk, go out and get it? I’m almost convinced that you’re for real.”
“Whether it’s for real or not, you will know soon.”
“If you’re really going to pay the rent, there’s no need for you to go too far. Just send it to me via TianXin [1] (similar to real world WeChat).”
“I don’t have your number.”
“Add me now.”
Ye Fei automatically took out his phone and added Ma Cuihua’s number to his TianXin account. “How much do I owe you?”
Ma Cui Fa’s magically took out a large abacus from somewhere, snapped it, and began to click at it, “Rent plus water plus electricity, that’s a total of HX¥1,687.60. this auntie shall be generous and give you a small discount. Just pay me HX¥1,687.00.
Ye Fei pursed his lips, he sneered at Ma Cuihua’s ‘generous’ discount.
Very soon, Ye Fei transferred HX¥1,700.00 to Ma Cui Fa via TianXin, “Keep the change, consider it as money for the past two days’ meals.”
Ma Cui Fa glanced at her phone, then at Ye Fei. Then, she reached into her wallet and removed HX¥13 from her wallet, then placed it on the table, taking the bowl away.
“This auntie don’t lack your HX¥13.”
Ye Fei looked at the money on the table, then at Ma Cuihua who was carrying the bowl away. He was not sure why, but he had the feeling that this landlady was not quite happy about him paying up his rent.
“What’s going on? Didn’t I just give her the rent money? Why did she look even more unhappy than before?”
Whatever, Ye Fei tucked the money away and shut his door.
Ma Cuihua muttered to herself as she carried the bowl away. “Bastard. Scoundrel. Now that you’ve handed me the rent money what excuse does this auntie have to knock on your door? What a blockhead.”
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The next morning, Ye Fei got up early out of sheer habit. After cleaning his teeth, he tidied up his room.
After all, he was about to broadcast to tens of thousands of fans and he really didn’t want to lose his image.
He pottered about as time passed by quietly.
Ye Fei was in the middle of cleaning up his little nest when QQ Platform sent out a message. This message hit the internet like a torpedo, sending shock waves everywhere.
[Gumihou: Erm… I have complicated feelings about this Ma Cuihua…]
[1] 天信 – btw Tian Xin means ‘Sky message’, another of author’s little punny jokes
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